Well, it’s finally come to pass. The day I have been dreading is at hand and the continued use of this site to expose the truth is in danger of coming to an untimely end. O, cruel fates! Ah, anyway, let me back up and try to explain my concern. […]
Dime Tour
I’ve received several letters from readers asking what it is exactly that Apparent Progress does. I realize the simple answer of ‘everything and then some’ is not all that helpful or informative, so I’ll try to walk you through some of the departments I have seen first hand on my […]
The Late Shift
For most people, working the late shift is frustrating. For me, it’s simply weird. We don’t do our usual mailroom tasks on the late shift, because there are very few people in the building and no new mail at night. Instead, one person each Friday must sit in front of […]
The Memo
I arrived early this morning to the mailroom and found the following memo taped to the desk: From the office of Gregor Markovitzenstein Attention all employees of Apparent Progress Inc: We have a rat infestation (here my heart skipped a beat – I am a rat with […]
Pink Slips
I don’t have long to write today, but this incident was just too strange not to be shared. Yesterday morning, as I walked into the mailroom, I was met by Mr. Phlephel, my boss’s boss. I’ll admit, as he led me out of the mailroom and back down the hallway […]
The Botanist
For the past week, while on my appointed rounds through the labrynthine corridors of Apparent Progress Central Headquarters, I’ve spent a lot of time searching high and low for any way to access – or even any evidence of – the elusive thirteenth floor. To this point, I’ve been unsuccessful. […]
The Missing Floor
In all my time here at Apparent Progress, and with all the things I’ve seen, it may be the one thing that I haven’t seen that bothers me the most. That thing, it turns out, is the Thirteenth Floor. Yes, yes, I know, the number 13 is supposed to be all […]
Where It All Began
I don’t think I’ve ever told you about my first day at Apparent Progress Inc, but I guess that’s as good a place as any to start. After a lengthy interview process that involved seven managers and twelve applications, I received the call on a Friday that I had been […]