I arrived early this morning to the mailroom and found the following memo taped to the desk:
From the office of Gregor Markovitzenstein
Attention all employees of Apparent Progress Inc:
We have a rat infestation (here my heart skipped a beat – I am a rat with this public journal after all). Our internal Security and Threats Neutralization Department has been informed of at least four instances where a large rodent or rodents have been seen on the corporate campus. On two occasions, they were idly milling about the darkened hallways of sector 12G (which you are not authorized to know anything about). We did not find any evidence that they were spying or taking pictures, but it is assumed this was the case.
On a third occasion, witnesses reported a rat dressed in a fedora and trenchcoat trying to reach the 10th floor button in the lobby elevator. The employee on the elevator took immediate steps in accordance with company policy and locked down the elevator, alerted security and proceeded to bite down on their company-issued cyanide capsule. In the most recent incident, a very large, wolf-sized rat broke down the door to a research lab on the 7th floor and released all the lab mice from captivity. Rat X (as he has been dubbed by security) has yet to be apprehended.
Please be vigilant during your daily activities. We are clearly under an organized, sustained attack of corporate espionage and we should be suspicious and distrustful of everyone we encounter. You will be given further instructions in your next weekly reprogramming session. Thank you.
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As if there wasn’t enough to be concerned about at this insane place, did you read that? There’s a research lab on the 7th floor! That’s the cafeteria! Why is there a research lab with lab mice in the cafeteria?!
I’m bringing my lunch from home from now on.